To my absent Father

My Father

Since birth

was an alcoholic.

He was verbally abusive.

He lived on the streets and was homeless for most of my life.

He was toxic.

He was completely absent as a Father.

From this experience, as a little girl, I learned

To attract dysfunctional experiences.

Distract myself from pain – partying, substance abuse, unhealthy relationships.

That I wasn’t good enough.

I wasn’t lovable.

It is normal to be abandoned.

I was not safe to be vulnerable.

My Father was also

A passionate artist.

He was an encyclopedia of incredible meaningful and rich information.

He saw beauty in all things. Even trash.

He had deep faith.

He gave things away even when he didn’t have anything to give.

He did the best he could.

He deeply suffered internally.

He wasn’t able to get the help he needed.

I forgive him because I know this had nothing to do with me.

I send him love.

I hope wherever he is, he is happy.

From this place of understanding and forgiveness, this pain has taught me

To have inner peace.

To attract loving people who stay present.

To be strong, focused, driven.

To not give up.

True compassion and empathy.

Passion to help others.

Thank you for this pain Dad, for I would not be the woman I am today and be able to share the gifts it has brought me.

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