The Gift of an alcoholic Father

Dad was a severe alcoholic. My mom kicked him out when I was 4. He was in and out of my life until I was in my early 20’s. He was between living on the streets and sober living homes during this time. He was deeply sick. When I was younger I was so happy to see him return I didn’t care about his illness. However, when I hit 20 it was one too many times of experiencing him relapsing and disappearing. I could not take it and I cut him off to support my mental and emotional health. This experience has been one of my deepest wounds, recurring patterns and greatest lesson I have ever experienced. ✨

I attracted all kinds of chaos in my life due to feeling I was not good enough. Because if my Dad could not show up, why was I worthy of love or having someone be fully present for me? I have been in many long term relationships and they always ended with me feeling “abandoned.” It wasn’t until I really took the time to be alone and sit and process all my pain that I shifted and healed. I learned some powerful pieces that have literally transformed my experience on earth. ✨

No matter how much someone may love you, if they are imbalanced enough within, they may be incapable of being there for you. 💫If one cannot fully show up for oneself, they cannot fully show up for another. 💫 If someone has hurt you - As you begin to truly put yourself in another’s shoes, you will see that they were deeply suffering and did the best they could with the tools they had. It is not personal in anyway whatsoever. As you learn to give yourself the energy you are needing you will see that nothing ever exists outside of you. No one can leave you. No one can “abandon you.” Only you can do this to yourself. And if you feel a gaping hole, it is your job to fill it. This all comes from within. So the real questions are 👉

How can you live in a way where you are giving yourself what you didn’t get? 🌞

How can you love yourself fully and unconditionally? 🌞

How can you forgive them and yourself completely? 🌞

That is your lesson here. 🌞

That is your greatest gift and offering to the world. 💝

What a gift my Dad gave me. ✨

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